If we’re talking body: It took me a while to accept myself and my fat belly and the weird beard on my upper lip, but by now, I will stroke both fondly. If I feel particularly sappy, I might even whisper terms of endearment. My body will never be a major priority in my life but it’s doing good work and I do appreciate it.
If we’re talking mind: I’m pretty smart (try to say that without sounding utterly conceited) and that makes things a lot easier and I like that.
If we’re talking personality: I’m easy to get along with, I think. I have a balanced, rather non-judgey, try-to-understand-everybody mindset that most people appreciate and that usually, again, makes things easy for me.
In short, I’m awesome, you should all want to be my friends.
Teen Wolf AU: Summer fling AU, for Anthaila, who asked for something inspired by Theophany’s Time’s End. I hope this satisfies you; as you can see, it got tangled up with another ficlet I was writing for this prompt going around on tumblr and in the end they just melded and I thought, yeah, fuck it, that’s the same verse and should be the same story.
In the end, Stiles thinks, they were always going to end up here. He should’ve known, straight from the beginning. It’s Derek’s heavenly looks and his own self-consciousness in his, well, in his everything, that prompted him to convince himself that he and Derek would never ever happen, but in the end….
In the end, they’re two lonely souls. Broken people gravitate towards each other. Maybe to examine the jarred edges of the other’s pieces and tell themselves that they’re not the most fucked-up person in the world, that there’re others who are more broken than they are. Maybe because they like thinking they’re not alone in their fucked-upness. Maybe because they enjoy breaking other’s apart even further. Maybe because everyone is drawn towards what’s beautiful and broken.
It doesn’t matter. Whatever the reasons, the result stays the same.
The horrible fucking thing is he doesn’t look satisfied. He doesn’t look happy. There isn’t even the smallest moment of relief that he’s still alive.
You are so right. He looks numb. Completely void of emotion.
Yes, because as far as he’s concerned, he DESERVES all of this pain. He DESERVES to die, to be ripped apart and not see another sunrise. In fact, everything that’s been heaped on him since he came back to Beacon Hills? Not nearly enough penance for Derek because none of it, NONE OF IT, has resulted in his death.
That Boyd and Cora got away is HIS fault — nevermind that it was Allison who broke the seal on the vault in the first place, even after he told her not to (of course, that was only because he knew he would die there — was FULLY PREPARED TO DIE THERE — if she didn’t.). Nevermind that the only reason he was there in the first place was because of the Alphas.
That people are getting hurt and/or dying is HIS fault — nevermind that none of that has been by his hands (except for Peter, but I think we can all forgive him that one. Now if only he would forgive himself), and that some of those deaths — we all find out later — aren’t even werewolf related.
Derek has so much survivor’s guilt weighing him down that, frankly, the only way up for him — to his mind — is out. Out of pain, out of loss, out of fucking life. And the only way to redeem himself is to let those he perceives as having wronged TAKE HIM OUT. And it doesn’t matter one iota to him that very little of this is actually his fault.
So, no. There’s not relief for him here. There’s no happiness at having survived another battle. There’s just the weariness of continuing to bear this heavy load, continuing to LIVE and see the next sunrise.
Derek has so much survivor’s guilt weighing him down that, frankly, the only way up for him — to his mind — is out. . Pardon me while I sob because this is exactly what they’ve done. They’ve stripped him down until there is nothing left. He is completely broken here. My hope for him is that Cora will be the one to start to put him back together. He needs family and stability and unconditional love. A boatload of forgiveness. He needs friendship and support. But this episode proved to me one thing: at this point in his life, the last thing he needs is a love interest.